Eternally (FAWM 2018)

Eternally

2018-02-15 @ 02:16pm
tags:
This is a first draft. Kind criticism appreciated.

Lyrics

You never share your struggle
It's just humour on your wall
But the man behind the facade
Is the strongest one I know

You faced your past with courage
Even as you tried to flee
Overwhelmed by the pain inside
You still tried to comfort me

You could have turned to hatred
Distractions don't cure self-loathing
But instead you faced the music
From your heart you let it sing

Do you love her more than you love me
Or are you grateful not to feel so empty after your history
Is it a love that's deep or a love that's true
If you don't feel deserving and worthy
How will you know when it's here for you
Eternally

Comments

• devin - 2018-02-15 @ 02:32pm

  For me, I like the hints at different perspectives... the lyric is open enough to let me interpret some things. Such as; "You never share your struggle, it's just humour on your wall" - a good universal feel & summary statement, but also hints at social media to me "You could have turned to hatred Distractions don't cure self-loathing" - has a cool Darth Vader vibe, but that's probably just my inner (outer) geek finding a parallel :-)

• mojosarmy - 2018-02-15 @ 07:23pm

  Great start, needs a chorus for a focal point. Verse 3 could use a companion, and V4 seems almost like a prechorus, could also be the outro/coda.

• bractune - 2018-02-16 @ 02:47am

  I like the idea of this song, it just could use a little structure. I could totally hear a killer melody coming in on the "Do you love her" part. (I assume that is the chorus.) My suggestion would be to take the second verse down, and bring that in after the chorus. Then you would just have the two verses before the chorus, and one after, before bringing the aforementioned killer chorus melody back in. I think everything you need is here (unless you want a bridge). The phrasing is already very musical. Nice.