Malificent (2018)

Malificent

April 29 2018

You can cast me in the role
Of the evil witch of lore
Reflect all your own shadows on me
It was your betrayal

Yet I'll still never be
What you say I am
Only I can define me

It's my choice
To stand tall
It's my price
Give me love
Give me
Everything or nothing at all

What is the cost of your soul
Don't you know it's worth more
Shining jewel of the light inside
Brighter than the dawn sun

Yet I'll still never be
What you say I am
Only I can define me

It's my choice
To stand tall
It's my price
Give me love
Give me
Everything or nothing at all

Never ignore the power of the darkness
Never try to cast it asunder
If you do then live in fear
For one day the reviled will rise on tattered dreams
And feast on your screams

Yet I'll still never be
What you say I am
Only I can define me

It's my choice
To stand tall
It's my price
Give me love
Give me
Everything or nothing at all

Electric Eyes (2015)

Electric Eyes

Lyrics & Music by Chagall Sierra 

Started in 1996, finished in 2015

Eyes meet 

Electric 

A leaping spark 

Across the room 

Lighting up the dark 

Electric eyes 

Electric

Electric

Electric

Eyes speak 

Kinetic 

Lost in the groove

A fascination 

With the way you move 

Electric eyes 

Kinetic

Kinetic

Electric

Eyes dance 

Mimetic 

Galaxies disguise 

Themselves within 

The laughter of your eyes

Electric eyes

Mimetic 

Kinetic

Electric

Absolution (2015)

Absolution

Lyrics by Chagall Sierra, 2015

October 2

Voices call for revolution 

Ignorance gives no solution 

See them fallen to pollution 

Silently sinking 

Into a morass of overthinking

This is the revelation

Precipice of sin and salvation

See them rising in elation

Following blindly 

A dance of ancient prophecy 

The faithfully deceived

Reaching out

To the angels for absolution 

How can it come 

Absolution

Absolution

How about a solution

Father forgive them 

They brought this on themselves

Nazgul (2015)

Nazgul 

Lyrics by Chagall Sierra, 2015 

September 27

On night winds they ride 

Deride

Warm caring soul

They sold

Now all they know

Is the will of the evil eye

Hiding from the seekers in the night

Predators circling like the ring that calls their master

Recoil in terror 

The wound that never heals

Nazgul

Faceless phantoms

Heartless in life despairing in deathly servitude 

Cold as the kiss of death

Nazgul

Caring heartbeat feels

Reveals 

Warm living soul 

They know 

The treasure untold 

Precious to the evil eye 

Strongest in the cover of the night

Predators circling like the ring that calls their master

Recoil in terror 

The wound that never heals

Nazgul

Faceless phantoms

Heartless in life despairing in deathly servitude 

Cold as the kiss of death

Nazgul 

They'll not win this night 

They'll not rule this fight 

Their days are numbered 

Send them to their rest 

Send them to their test 

Not by the hand of man

Even Galaxies Are Lovers (2015)

Even galaxies are lovers

July 3, 2015

Even galaxies are lovers
Alight, aglow, sparkling from the brilliance within
The fire at the heart of creation
Moving in passionate dance
Now flirting, now fleeing, now
Cuddling in tender joy's embrace
Even galaxies are lovers

Chorus:
We are part of this dance
Eternal romance
From within and from skies above
Sparkling galaxy love

(Second verse still lost as of 2018, will have to attempt rewrite)

Queen of the Otherworld (2018)

Queen of the Otherworld

Written March 4 just after FAWM...

Feeding on pomegranates

My crown of petals turned blood red

Queen of the Otherworld

The one who you wished was dead

Flower power

Languages of magic spells

Resonance and correspondences

Beloved of Hades and of Hel

As above so below

As below so above

As Queen of the Otherworld

It's below I RULE

You tried to cut me down

Because you saw my beauty

But I just went underground

My roots sunk deep into my throne

Flower power

Languages of magic's spell

Resonance and correspondences

Beloved of Hades and of Hel

As above so below

As below so above

It's below I RULE

Kore, Persephone

Kore, Persephone

Now you'll learn to fear me

More than how you once desired me

You'll regret the torments you ordered

Since now I command

The legions of the damned!

Kore, Persephone

Kore, Persephone

Flower power

Languages of magic's spell

Resonance and correspondences

Beloved of Hades and of Hel

As above so below

As below so above

As Queen of the Otherworld

It's below I RULE

Feeding on pomegranates

My crown of petals turned blood red

Queen of the Otherworld

The one who you wished was dead

Cosmic Relativity (FAWM 2018)

Cosmic Relativity

2018-03-01 @ 05:59am
tags:
More of a poem but could be interesting as a synth thing in 3 parts.

Lyrics

We are born
We laugh we cry
We fall down
We sing we sigh
We grow old
-Er by the day
It's so weird
We're meant to be this way
Measured by sunlight
Measured by sunlight

Did you ever look at the stars as they fade into the dawn
Did you ever gaze at the trees and see them breathing
Did you ever laugh while rolling down a hillside
At how ordinary magic is?
At how ordinary magic is?

Cosmic relativity
Signals synchronicity
A space dust serendipity
Consciousness occupies a body
That can love
That can love

Comments

• airbagtester - 2018-03-03 @ 03:28am

  I could definitely hear this as a softly-sung piece over some nice sounding synths, maybe in the style of Ladytron, as sung by Bowie. There's a wonderful mix of existentialism and also measuring ourselves by the universe that I like very much. It's very deep, but without being pretentious.

• julesbf - 2018-03-25 @ 10:26pm

  This definitely reads like a song to me, great rhythm to the lyric and love the rhymes. This is great 'Cosmic relativity Signals synchronicity A space dust serendipity' would love to hear this one

Side Effect (FAWM 2018)

Side Effect

2018-03-01 @ 05:41am
tags:
Ugh this is so rough. Candidate for March Offal Polishing (MOP). Gonna edit severely.

Lyrics

Wake up wake up don't turn on the news
Don't give negativity any views
When there's nothing, nothing you can do
To fix it, just ignore it

Rich old men calling policy
Causing destitution and poverty
For everyone, everyone but themselves They called not it, not it

Chorus:
Watch the world's blood wash down the drain
{This is kindergarten politics
Don't care
Caring is too much pain
Just a side effect}

Before they caused the world to burn
They built themselves big bunkers
They pride themselves on not giving a damn
But that's just a side effect
Of the medications they're on
Entitlement, greed, lust and heroin

Multiple lacerations on the vein
Gaia's in the ICU in pain
Are you ready, you ready to watch mother slain

From a million trees cut down
Airplane trails across the sky
As the insects and the songbirds die

Nero fiddled while Rome burned down
I just wanna skip out of town
Orange disaster in a big white house
But it's just a side effect

I only hoped for my life to count for something good
If that makes me better
It's just a side effect

Comments

• inflatable vegetables - 2018-03-03 @ 06:28pm

  After reading this, I get the impression you're not a Trump supporter :) I like MOP. This year I don't have much to polish. Thanks for posting this!

Mask (FAWM 2018)

Mask

2018-03-01 @ 04:57am
tags: metal
Being targeted by a narcissistic sociopath on top of being disabled is not fun.

Lyrics

Oh see here's the show
Master of disguise
Damnation lurks in the flickering
Shadowy silent silver eyes

Chorus:
Why can't you all see
Through his mask that he wears to deceive
Am I the only one
To pass the test and prove humanity's reprieve

Oh look there he goes
God's gift to women
Thinks he owns you just for existing
Sycophant sickness surrounds him

Bridge:
I'm not his angel to sacrifice
Don't have to listen to those lies
I never said I was a saint
Only Jah's will decides my fate

Tearing me down will
Never build him up
That angel is twisted and fallen
Deviant despair devouring

Comments

• Lady C - 2018-03-01 @ 05:10am

  I think the analogy of the mask is very fitting here. I also love the alliteration you use at the end of each stanza! Very creative and unique in this context. i Can't wait to hear this one! xoxo

Love Song (FAWM 2018)

Love Song

2018-02-26 @ 01:33pm
tags: antivalentine jazz piano girl-with-piano
Oh hey, no chorus! Finally hit one of the extra challenges this FAWM. Woot woot!

Lyrics

You probably thought
This would be a love song
I know you thought
That I still care
I cared about you
When you were a child
It's a long time
Since then

You probably thought
This would be a love song
Although you
Treated me wrong
I loved you once
But the man you became
Is a stranger
To his own soul

You probably thought
This would be a love song
Oh no
And adulations of a crowd
Can never fill
That emptiness inside
Your heart
Only you
Can love yourself
I know you don't
I know you don't

Comments

• Martin Quibell - 2018-02-26 @ 03:16pm

  Great writing Chagall :-) I love the fact that each verse starts the same, which reflects a feeling of having to repeat the same thing all of the time, when you’re constantly reminding people of something. Beautifully flowing!

• mojosarmy - 2018-02-26 @ 08:17pm

  Love it. I agree, that is one of my favorite motifs, and you use it well here.

• Lady C - 2018-02-27 @ 07:00am

  Love how this has no chorus! The flow is great and words are so on point! Just fab! 💙

Ancient Battle (FAWM 2018)

Ancient Battle

2018-02-25 @ 09:06am
tags: epic battle christian
Inspired by the same Tarot card plus the addition of a Bible quote: Ephesians 6:12.

Time signature changes, yasssss! ♥ I think this could be operatic prog metal. With a (choir) would be epic!

The choir line in the chorus with slashes changes after each verse like so: (1/2/3).

Lyrics

Across the dusted horizon
Soldiers gather throughout memory
Waiting, riding, slaying
Stench of blood and grime beneath the storm

Chorus:
Forests fall (forests grow)
Mountains crumble (mountains rise)
Lost in ancient battle (lost in time)
Angels from on high (spread their wings)
Endlessly fighting (flying for our lives/flying for our souls/flying for all hope)
Powers, wickedness, principalities

Beyond the clouds of history
Ravens circle waiting for their due
Warring, killing, dying
Our flesh sacrificed beneath the sun

Bridge:
The mighty powers of this dark world
Seek forever to enslave us free people
Temptations and lust the chains which bind us
To the uncaring evil

Within this constant process
Human will seeks heavenly places
Striving, thriving, resting
In peace of knowledge that we fought well

Comments

• devin - 2018-02-25 @ 04:07pm

  Oooo... I like this epic, dark, struggle-against-our-temptations lyric!

Horses of the Red Sun (FAWM 2018)

Horses of the Red Sun

2018-02-24 @ 10:27pm
tags: synth weird dreamlike cosmic
Inspired by drawing a Tarot card to write a set of lyrics on. Percolated in the back of my mind between the 2 instagram posts while doing other things, then lounged on the couch and wrote it.

Lyrics

How did I get here
What is this wasteland
Forgotten by sweet rain
Unfed
Untamed
Vast cosmic rays

Chorus:
Ahh the horses of the red sun
Hoofbeats strong as they run
Ahh the horses of the red sun
Hoofbeats strong as they run

Who are you now
What do you wish for
Seeking destiny
Encircled
Embodied
Small cosmic face

Glistening drops of
time equals energy
Chariot wheel
Entropy
Ending
Birth cosmic race

Outro:
Lions may try to devour us
But we carry the drum
Drum drum drummm go round run
Drum drum drummm go round run
<<BANG>>

Comments

• Candle - 2018-02-25 @ 04:20am

  This one has a real primal feel to it. I can imagine a very tribal sounding or even celtic sounding music accompanying this. I really like the chorus. Its imagery is very evocative. Would love to hear this as a fully recorded song. Awesome job! See You In The Shadows!

Silenced (FAWM 2018)

Silenced (We Hear Their Call)

2018-02-23 @ 11:05am
tags: ambient environment protest faerie celtic geek
This will be made on my iPad.

Lyrics

The little people live in star-dappled shadows
Dipping in and out of light
They hold their own lives
Their own secrets
Dipping in and out of sight

They cry out
In voices beyond hearing
Yet somehow
We hear their call
We hear their call

The nature spirits live in many dimensions
Dipping in and out of light
They dance through the planes
Their existence
Dipping in and out of sight

They cry out
In voices beyond hearing
Yet somehow
We hear their call
We hear their call

When we cut down a forest
Or poison a river
It's as if a thousand thousand souls
Cried out at once
And then were silenced

They cry out
In voices beyond hearing
Yet somehow
We hear their call
We hear their call

Comments

• bethdesombre - 2018-02-23 @ 12:05pm

  I love the "we hear their call" echoes -- I hope we do! Also the phrase "star-dappled shadows."

• beepbeepmeow - 2018-02-23 @ 06:51pm

  "Dipping in and out of light/sight" is such a wonderful refrain.

• janeg - 2018-02-25 @ 11:02pm

  I wish we were paying more attention to the spirits trying to protect our forests, lands and waters!

Whole, Holy (FAWM 2018)

Whole, Holy

2018-02-22 @ 08:17pm
tags: christian

Lyrics

He said
To let the little ones learn the promise of our Creator
Of a love
That tells us to care for one another

We were made to be whole
Holy
It's true
And the truth will set us free

He said
To give the shirt right off your back if you've got more than a stranger
To show love
In actions of kindness to let go of anger

We were made to be whole
Holy
It's true
And the truth will set us free

When he decried the greed inside the Holy Temple
In righteous anger he overturned their tables
Imagine what the world could be
If we all lived for eternity

He said
To let the big ones feed the multitudes with fish and with bread
Yet forgave
All the hypocrites that wanted him dead

We were made to be whole
Holy
It's true
And the truth will set us free

Comments

• Lady C - 2018-02-22 @ 08:28pm

  Powerful words!! Very well written! I'm hearing something on the darker side musically, be it faster or slower. I'm definitely hearing it in a minor key.

• cindyrella - 2018-02-22 @ 08:39pm

  Wonderful song! Great flow and message

• Alex "metalfoot" - 2018-02-22 @ 09:29pm

  Yes. :)

• mojosarmy - 2018-02-24 @ 09:28pm

  I like this a lot! Hope you plan to record it. Beautifully written.

Eternally (FAWM 2018)

Eternally

2018-02-15 @ 02:16pm
tags:
This is a first draft. Kind criticism appreciated.

Lyrics

You never share your struggle
It's just humour on your wall
But the man behind the facade
Is the strongest one I know

You faced your past with courage
Even as you tried to flee
Overwhelmed by the pain inside
You still tried to comfort me

You could have turned to hatred
Distractions don't cure self-loathing
But instead you faced the music
From your heart you let it sing

Do you love her more than you love me
Or are you grateful not to feel so empty after your history
Is it a love that's deep or a love that's true
If you don't feel deserving and worthy
How will you know when it's here for you
Eternally

Comments

• devin - 2018-02-15 @ 02:32pm

  For me, I like the hints at different perspectives... the lyric is open enough to let me interpret some things. Such as; "You never share your struggle, it's just humour on your wall" - a good universal feel & summary statement, but also hints at social media to me "You could have turned to hatred Distractions don't cure self-loathing" - has a cool Darth Vader vibe, but that's probably just my inner (outer) geek finding a parallel :-)

• mojosarmy - 2018-02-15 @ 07:23pm

  Great start, needs a chorus for a focal point. Verse 3 could use a companion, and V4 seems almost like a prechorus, could also be the outro/coda.

• bractune - 2018-02-16 @ 02:47am

  I like the idea of this song, it just could use a little structure. I could totally hear a killer melody coming in on the "Do you love her" part. (I assume that is the chorus.) My suggestion would be to take the second verse down, and bring that in after the chorus. Then you would just have the two verses before the chorus, and one after, before bringing the aforementioned killer chorus melody back in. I think everything you need is here (unless you want a bridge). The phrasing is already very musical. Nice.

When We're Old (FAWM 2018)

When We're Old

2018-02-15 @ 02:10pm
tags:
Always been fascinated by the old couples who are still so incredibly in love.

Lyrics

The only reason I believe in love at first sight
Was the knowing I felt that moment when I first saw your eyes
I saw your soul that day
You can't hide a thing from me
The brilliance or the misery
Strange but everything I see I adore

When we're old you're mine
When we're old I'm yours
We'll party in the old folks home someday
Spike the punch and hit the dance floor
Karaoke til the sun comes up
Canoe and canoodle til our number's up

But neither of us are ready for eternity
Vulnerability can be far too terrifying
Our paths are divergent
You're still seeking that deep thrill
I've a threat to deal with still
But I know our chance will return

Everyone always knew we loved each other
It's just
Sometimes life gets in the way

When we're old you're mine
When we're old I'm yours
We'll party in the old folks home someday
Spike the punch and hit the dance floor
Karaoke til the sun comes up
Canoe and canoodle til our number's up

The only reason I believe in love at first sight
Was the knowing I felt that moment when I first saw your eyes

Comments

• devin - 2018-02-15 @ 02:20pm

  "Canoe and canoodle til our number's up" is just one of many great lines here. Fantastic... I love it!

• beepbeepmeow - 2018-02-15 @ 03:14pm

  Me too! My heart melts when I see an old couple walking down the street and they’re holdings hands.

• mojosarmy - 2018-02-15 @ 07:22pm

  I love it, please record this! :D

• Lady C - 2018-03-01 @ 05:12am

  This literally adorable. This is my grandparents, to a t.

Living Dead (FAWM 2018)

Living Dead

2018-02-14 @ 09:02am
tags: metal heavyaf scream death-metal
So, um, I have a disability. This is what it feels like - except in a way cooler, nerdier context.

Title - Living Dead or Russian Roulette? Hmm.

Sapient did music for my lyrics omg! - Chagall
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sapient:
Well, I couldn't leave lyrics like this hanging there without something to sing along to, could I? :D

Lyrics

Shuffling through existence
In a horror movie marathon
Barista please pour me a liquid brain
I take two minutes, drink up
Roll up the rim on the cup

Oh no not again lost at Russian roulette
Oh no not again lost at Russian roulette

Hello sands of a thousand tortures
Skinned alive
Stuffed with wet gravel
Muscles burn like molten metal
Rust flaking off my bones
Every time I twinge pieces of me fall apart
Feeling like the living dead
Feeling like the living dead

Driving with persistence
Through the scenery of life
Director please write me a better part
I take ten minutes, silence
Praying today ends the violence

Oh no not again lost at Russian roulette
Oh no not again lost at Russian roulette

Hello sands of a thousand tortures
Skinned alive
Stuffed with wet gravel
Muscles burn like molten metal
Rust flaking off my bones
Every time I twinge pieces of me fall apart
Feeling like the living dead
Feeling like the living dead

What I wanna know
Is how is my skin still whole
Still whole
Still whole
Feeling like the living dead
Feeling like the living dead

Comments

• Richard Provan - 2018-02-14 @ 09:46am

  What beautiful lyrics. You expressed your existence so clearly, so poetically, so truly. The song is playing in my head.

• devin - 2018-02-14 @ 03:01pm

  This is painfully awesome. The images are striking.. very well done.

• Chagall Sierra - 2018-02-15 @ 06:56am

  Thank you @quork and @devin. Think I might make it to metal awesomeness one of these days!

• Chagall Sierra - 2018-02-16 @ 10:24pm

  OMG OMG OMG.

• devin - 2018-02-16 @ 10:57pm

  Dear godz people... how Fucking epic is this?!? Some serious good music grooves here, and the tortured lyric is done severe justice. Win.

• Lady C - 2018-02-22 @ 08:34pm

  Holy shit this sounds fucking amazing yo!! Lyrics fit perfectly with this Death metal! It reminds me of Nile crossed with DethKlok!! The metaphors are deep and well twisted!! xoxoxo

• Catherine Wacha - 2018-02-28 @ 07:17pm

  This arrangement fits these lyrics so perfectly. This song rocks hard as hell!

• Meadows - 2018-02-28 @ 09:30pm

  A great piece of art – of one of favourite genres, and really well done. That sound is just awesome, couldn't be done better. Lyrics and music: perfect match!

• T.C. Elliott - 2018-03-04 @ 07:05pm

  That lyric really brings home the feeling of falling apart... using the literally to explain the emotion and pain. And then this metal attack was perfectly suited to the lyric. Yeah, the lyric could be used in a lot of ways, it's that good. But the sense of resignation and perseverance really shines here.

• ZeCoop - 2018-03-04 @ 09:54pm

  Killer, kiiler, killer intro.... Even things like how the phraseing of "barista" is perfect. The song's phrasing both vocal and guitar pauses really stand out with this one. I love how you let your guitars pause and go to the harmonics. Slight relief only to be cast back in. Great change up with the Russian Roulette section. SWEET guitar solo too - love that dive into it. Great collab.

• silvermachine - 2018-03-07 @ 12:12am

  I gotta say I don't understand death metal bands, why would anyone feel compelled to sing horrific lyrics all the time, like there was no alternative. I gotta say it finally made perfect sense here in the light of Kirrivath's plight and lyric. I won't ask if all death metal musicians are disabled though. The music was totally in tune with the lyric and presented an uncomfortable listen. Damn, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have heard it like that if I hadn't read the liner notes though. I would've thought hah, fun metal zombie anthem. I'm confused. I'll be back tomorrow to finish the album swap listen, man.

• driftwood1 - 2018-03-07 @ 02:56am

  Powerful lyric. "Oh no not again lost at Russian roulette" is brutal. Great job bringing the lyric to life.

Kneel (FAWM 2018)

Kneel

2018-02-04 @ 09:02am
tags: apocalypse hope epic soprano
Needs to be operatic metal.

Lyrics

Kneel my child
Kiss the rose
Upon the cross
And lay your burdens down

Mother dear
Have you seen
A shadow grows
Even all through the land of dream

All hope is lost
While dogs fight for crumbs below the table of the rich
Our champion is fallen to greedy gold
The king sits laughing in the halls of corruption
The reaper sharpens his scythe at the door
All hope is lost

Dearest one
Do not fret
Ease your mind
A champion will rise again

Age after age
The sun still rises
The morning mist fades away
Shadow or not
Life will continue on
Age after age

Kneel my child
Kiss the rose
Upon the cross
And lay your burdens down

Comments

• acousticmaddie - 2018-02-04 @ 09:21am

  Oh sweet song, great message given here. Could be both within a family and in faith. Good one.

• devin - 2018-02-04 @ 03:47pm

  Reads awesome... please let me know if it gets musicated the way you want... would love to check it out!

• Chagall Sierra - 2018-02-04 @ 10:20pm

  @acousticmaddie Yes, I felt it as both. @devin Open to a collab?

• Lady C - 2018-02-06 @ 05:17pm

  These lyrics are Boss darling! I definitely hear epic metal music in my head to pair with this. that would so be appropriate.

My Rebellion (FAWM 2018)

My Rebellion

2018-02-02 @ 07:43am
tags: synth unvalentines
Totally new lyrics this year, more pop structure. But it's a Goth band soooo not pop. I think.

Lyrics

I chose to die
At nineteen
When I turned down
The devil's machine
Yes ever since then
Each moment of breath again

Is victory
Yes victory
In my rebellion oh oh
In my rebellion oh oh

I pulled the short stick
It's my fate
Yet I'll carefully carve it
Into a pointed stake
To pierce the heart
Vampire dust for my art

Is victory
Yes victory
In my rebellion oh oh
In my rebellion oh oh

Those lips which kissed me
Filled with only lies
The truth illuminates
Seeing through disguise

Is victory
Yes victory
In my rebellion oh oh
In my rebellion oh oh

Comments

• Marije - 2018-02-03 @ 01:49pm

  Solid lyric, I think the structure works well. I really like the stick/stake metaphor!

• Lady C - 2018-02-06 @ 05:23pm

  This is very well put together, the atory arch is totally sound, it does not sound scattered. It has great direction and flow. I love the metaphors you chose as well.

Songbirds and Superheroes (FAWM 2018)

Songbirds and Superheroes

2018-02-02 @ 07:37am
tags: guitar unvalentines metoo
Been trying to write this one for a while... here goes again... again. V3 after hanging out with Donald Quan.

Short VLOG for this will be on Kirrivath's Patreon.

Drop D makes for way better weird chords. Yay!

Updated with the debut performance video! Please no comments on the guitar playing, I'm a singer haha.

Lyrics

1.
We used to fly in my livingroom
Then you went away
I used to sing to you those old showtunes
My mama sang to me

Pre:
Now I see you fly among the stars
And I'm here on the ground bleeding

Chorus:
We were young we were strong
We were superheroes
We were birds we were planes
We thought nothing could defeat us

2.
When you were five your hamster died
I comforted you
You get to sing on the Broadway stage
Showtunes old and new

Pre, Chorus

Bridge:
What happened to my best friend
I call you Mr Famous now
Charming, entitled
Net worth of millions
He said you said
He said you said
That unless I would belong to you
That you would watch me die

3.
We used to fly in my livingroom
Songbirds of a feather
Then you chose to be a villain
Not heroes together

Comments

• janeg - 2018-02-03 @ 01:21am

  Very curious to,learn the musical style!

• Chagall Sierra - 2018-02-03 @ 07:35am

  This draft of the lyrics doesn't work either but it's much closer. Sigh. Getting there.

• wingspell - 2018-02-04 @ 08:25am

  Chords flowing better with this new version of the lyrics. 2billionty rewrites.

• GardeningAngel - 2018-02-13 @ 10:21pm

  Ooooo, I got chills reading this, esp. the last verse. I'm familiar with a lot of the relationship dynamics you describe here (at least, as I interpret them), and it feels validating to see them put into words. Strong stuff.

• Chagall Sierra - 2018-02-15 @ 07:09am

  Think the bridge still needs work. It's normalish. Thoughts? Thank you for the kind comments, @janeg and @gardeningangel1 - it's updated with a rough live performance now.

• Alex "metalfoot" - 2018-02-15 @ 04:30pm

  The melody simply soars like a songbird... the story is sad. A powerful song overall!

• Lady C - 2018-02-22 @ 08:39pm

  Love the gentle melody, even your delicate guitar playing. It suits the song in my humble opinion. Also really like your pauses, and placement of them. Sometimes many rewrites are necessary, and there is no shame in it.